Its 5:30 in the morning. Wow. Nothing is going through my head but that replayed over and over. The one scene everyone looks and compares to in a chick flick, that one scene that guy’s don’t seem to understand why girls are so fascinated by it. I lived through that scene today. It was quite something. It was a hallmark moment. You know, the one moment where everyone just goes “awe” at the same time? Its a good thing, I think. I can’t really be forward here, because I’m not even being forward with myself.
I’m young. I’m naive.
It makes me wonder if there really is a choice for me ever. I really want this to work. The last time it didn’t was because I wasn’t single at the time. Yes, I lied to you. I lied to myself. I’m quite a shitty person. I understand that, that was the old me. I changed (doesn’t everyone say that?) God, I feel like a walking cliche.
That kiss on the cheek, it should have been something just more than that huh? I am an idiot for not realizing that. God, I’m like actually freaking out over a girl. Oh man, I never thought I’d see this day come. The little bit we held hands to the kiss on the cheek, everything just seemed so smooth sailing to me, but I don’t know if it is the same for you.
I feel like I’m playing a game, and the opponent is myself. I’m not the cutest kid in the world, I’m not the funniest, I’m not the most charming, I don’t know how to act around you. I don’t even know. Oh man. I sound so retarded. I don’t even know what to do with myself when it comes to girls.
I’ve been single for how long now? If I even count my last relationship as one. Which means I’ve been single for over a year. Thats a year with no feelings for anyone what so ever. I don’t even think I know how to be a boyfriend anymore. I wouldn’t even know what to do.
I mean everything is just falling into place for me. I’m moving up there for the school semester - you’ll be only a short drive away. We’ve been talking a lot and also spending time together. You told me you actually liked me. I mean I’m pretty sure I should be jumping for joy right? Anyone who would be reading this is probably going to be like “GET ON THAT NOW.” Haha, oh man I am going crazy.
All the signs point to me trying, or at least I should try. I think I might. And by God, if you actually see this somehow - don’t think I’m insane. This is just how my thinking process is and yeah. JD:JSD:LFJS:DLFJSD:LF.